I came across a very interesting article on IVillage written by Jenna McCarthy entitled "
20 Things to Say to Your Daughter Before She's Grown" and thought how great it is! My tween daughter would definitely need these advice at the threshold of teenage, especially when we are living in the liberal Western society and struggling to embrace our Oriental values and traditional culture. We could not shield her from all the peer pressure, online temptations, celebrity magazines, teen-ery TV dramas, etc. but at least we always strive to equip her with a smart mindset, moral values and a loving heart to live a meaningful and happy life.
And to Mew, last but not least, "
You'll hate me some days, but I'll always love you".
20 Things to Say to Your Daughter Before She's Grown
Always speak up, it's only hair and more advice for a daughter that all girls should hear
By
Jenna McCarthy -
June 2, 2013
Here are 20 girl-centric things I want them to know.
1. Learn the word NO. Sure, I don’t like it one bit when you say it to
me, but
in the big, scary world out there you will be faced with endless tough
choices. From boys to beers to inappropriate Instagram photos, potential
trouble will lurk everywhere you go. You know that little voice you
have inside, the one that tells you something doesn't feel right? Listen
to it. Respect it. And most importantly, use it to say NO. It won't be
easy a lot of the time, but I assure you, you’ll almost always be glad
you did.
2. Spend more time worrying about how beautiful you are inside than outside.
It's fine to take pride in your appearance and want to be pretty. But
if how you look is all you care about, you'll pay for it down the road.
Yes, you are beautiful -- magnificently, achingly so -- but never forget
that you didn't do anything to create or even deserve that. True beauty
comes from being kind and thoughtful and compassionate. If you're ugly
on the inside, you're ugly. Period.
3. Stuff won't make you happy.
Oh, in the moment -- when you're pining for that
headband/skateboard/Fijit Friend/designer purse -- you will truly,
madly, passionately believe that they will. But things break. We lose
them. They run out. They go out of style. They become
uncool (the worst!). Happiness comes from appreciating the things you do have, not acquiring more.
4. Some girls are mean girls.
Be extremely careful when you choose your friends. At the risk of
throwing our entire gender under the bus, girls can be nasty and petty
and jealous and cruel. Some of them will lie to you or pretend to be
your friend or stab you in the back, and it will hurt like hell every
single time. If you're totally unprepared for it, it will crush you even
more.
5. Girlfriends will save your life. Yes,
girls can be awful, so when you find a loyal, true friend, hold onto her
for dear life, and do your best to be loyal and true right back. Boys
will come and go, but a good girlfriend will be your steady through the
peaks, the valleys and everything in between.
6. Don't judge people (but know that you will be judged).
It's a catch-22, kid: I've taught you not to assume things about people
simply by the way they look or the clothes they wear; unfortunately the
rest of the world won't always do the same. Remember that when you want
to bare your belly or pierce your tongue or dye your hair blue. (This
may not matter much to you now, but wait until you're trying to get a
job or meeting your first boyfriend's -- or girlfriend's -- parents.)
7. Boobs are overrated. Until
you have them, you're going to want them. When you get them, you'll
obsess about them. Are they big enough? Too big? Is one bigger than the
other? (Yes, it probably is. Every breast on the planet is different,
even the two sharing the same bra. Accept it and get over it.) No matter
how you feel about your boobs, remember that they're not called
"private parts" for nothing.
So do yourself (and me!) a favor and
cover them up. Nothing you could ever do screams I NEED ATTENTION like putting your perky young rack on display.
8. Get to know your grandma.
Sure you love your granny, but have you taken time to really talk to
her? Grandma's had a lifetime of experience being a woman, and it would
be a waste to not tap into her wisdom. Ask her about what it was like
growing up, the first boy she liked, how she knew what she wanted to be
when she grew up. It's sad but true: She won't be around forever, so
make sure you get to know her while you still can.
9. High school is not real life.
It feels like there's so much at stake, with cool girls you're
desperate to befriend and boys you're crushing on so hard you can't
imagine ever meeting anyone better. But trust me: Life gets so much
bigger when you go to college and then out into the world. And what
someone is like in high school is little indication of who they become
as an adult. The popular kids? They might peak as a teenager while some
of the kids who don't fit in go on to achieve great things. It's
impossible to have that perspective when you're in it, but please trust
me and believe these words when it seems like your world is ending.
10. Love yourself first.
Not everyone is going to like you and that's okay. Women often are
obsessed with getting approval from everyone, but here's the thing: It's
impossible to please everyone. The only person who absolutely must like
you is, well, you. As long as you can look at the chick in the mirror
and know you're making the decisions that are right for her, even if
they displease someone else, you can't go wrong.
11. It's okay to wait. The other kids are rounding the bases, while you're not even sure what the bases
are.
That feeling of overwhelmed discomfort with the whole thing is telling
you you're not ready. You'll get there someday, and there's no reason to
rush. Hardly anyone ever regrets taking things slow, while a lot of
girls do have remorse over rushing.
12. Sex should be fun.
You shouldn't be in any rush to have sex, but when you do feel totally
ready to do the deed, remember it's supposed to be fun -- really fun. If
your partner doesn't care about making you feel good, both emotionally
and physically, or you don't know enough about your own body to lead him
in the right direction, see #11.
13. Not every problem is the end of the world. Remember that book I used to read you,
The Boy Who Cried Wolf? That
lesson applies to pretty much everything you do for the rest of your
life. If every dilemma or disappointment you face is a 10 on the Drama
Scale, you won't get much sympathy from me (or anyone else). It will
take you a while to develop full-fledged perspective; in the interim,
play the "will this matter in five minutes/days/years?" game before you
freak out about something that feels major in the moment.
14. Don't compare yourself to others.
You may not want to hear this, but there will always be someone
prettier, richer and more popular or talented or athletic or artistic
than you are.
Don't assume her life is better or happier than yours because of it. Life isn't a competition, it's a journey. You're here to work on being the best
you can be.
15. It's only hair.
Seriously. You will curl it and straighten it and pull it back and pin
it up. You'll wish it were thicker or longer or wavier or straighter.
You'll braid it and twist it and color it (please, not pink). You'll
spend untold hours counting your split ends. And for what? It's
hair.
Life is too precious to waste so much time on the pursuit of mane
perfection. Put a baseball cap on it, and go out and have some fun.
16. Being smart is cool. Sometimes you may feel as if you have to hide that you're smart. Listen closely to me when I tell you:
You don't. Don't
ever dumb yourself down because you think it'll make you seem cooler or
to try to impress a guy. There may be a window of time when your peers
genuinely think that brains are for dorks, but it's a very small window,
I promise. If you choose to use your brain, I promise you those
dingbats will be drooling over how cool and successful
you are.
17. Don't lose yourself in a guy. The goal of dating is to find a guy you like just as he is and who likes you
just as
you are. Don't pretend to love wind-surfing or scary movies just because he does, or act like you
don't love
the clarinet because he thinks it's lame. There are plenty of boys out
there who will love and admire every last quirky thing about you. Hold
out for one of them.
18. Speak up. I'm not talking about
complaining or boasting or trying to get your way... but if you have an
opinion or you aren't being treated fairly or you see something
happening that you know isn't okay, it's your right and your obligation
to open your mouth. You may annoy some people when you do or even
impress them. Either way, it's okay. The more often you stand your
ground, the sooner it will become second nature.
19. You have power over boys. At
some point, it will hit you: You are the reason he stumbles over his
words and gets sweaty palms. It's a pretty heady feeling to realize
you're in possession of feminine wiles, isn't it? But with great power
comes great responsibility, so make sure you are always gentle and never
cruel. After all, boys can have their hearts broken, too.
20. You'll hate me some days, but I'll always love you. I
hope you know enough not to say it to my face, but I accept the fact
that there will be moments you feel like you detest me. All daughters
think their mothers just don't/couldn't possibly/will never ever get it
at some point. But even if you hate me -- even if you tell me so -- I am
still there for you. If you need a ride home from a crazy party, advice
on a guy problem or just a good cry, I'm your girl.
Jenna McCarthy is an internationally published writer, TED speaker and the author of five books including If
It Was Easy They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with
and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-so-handy Man You Married
(Berkley Books, 2011). Find her at JennaMcCarthy.com.
Sweetheart, today you are turning 18 
